I love how this parenting guide feels like its focus is just as much on me as a human as on me as a parent. I learned alot about how to check whether I'm operating as my own best self or from a place a little (or alot) less helpful as I interact with my child! With that understanding, I'm so much better equipped to deeply listen to my child and help them learn and behave and grow into their own best selves. The last chapter is my favorite. It tells real-life stories related to each of 5 family relationship issues (i.e., control, authority, needs, perceptions, expectations). These are stories where the parents are certainly not perfect, but show how parents and children came to a point of mutual respect and love. There are stories and examples throughout the book, with practice exercises and very clear concepts and explanations. Such a practical approach!

This book is interesting. I really needed to read this book. I let my 15 year old run my life.

This books demonstrates conscious parenting at its best. Ilene introduces tools that help parents look within to recognize their behavior patterns that are not in the best interest of everyone in the family. Using mutual respect as the foundation, parents are taught how to develop new ways of interacting with their children that may have seemed impossible prior to reading this book. The concept of parenting from the lower, center or higher self is one that has opened my eyes to new understanding about the communication between children and parents. As parents do their own work (by using the tools Ilene provides), they model new behavior, communication skills and a deeper level of respect for their children. We know that children learn by what we do, not by what we say, so the new behavior that the parents model are teaching the children healthy relationship skills that they can take forward into their lives.

I cannot say enough about my love of this book! I have just read the book cover to cover in less than 1 day as it was so helpful, so well written, and the information was exactly what I was needing for myself and for clients of mine who are having issues with children at home and are at a loss for knowing what to do. This is a unique approach to helping and healing the whole family, parents and children. Dr. Val-Essen's presentation of material flowed so smoothly, and especially wonderful was the approach of normalizing situations and challenges and letting parents know they are not alone and taking the shame and pain away that parents often feel. I highly recommend this book!

Logical, straightforward and includes advice that parents need to work on themselves first! Until we are aware of our own actions, we cannot effectively communicate regarding our children’s actions.

This book provides valuable insights and a practical roadmap for fostering open and caring relationships. It gives specific techniques for de-escalating tense interactions and creating an awareness that we can choose to change the quality of our relationships. Testimonials from parents and children bring the concepts alive in real-world examples, but these techniques are useful for creating the relationships we want with anyone in our lives. The drawings of lower-self and centered-self characters illustrate how we can break out of our go-to patterns of behavior and help our loved ones do the same. I hadn't even finished the book before trying the techniques and experiencing positive results for myself.

Dr. Ilene Val-Essen writes a book that presents another way of looking at typical parenting challenges. With her concept of the 3 levels of self, we are able to categorize our child's behavior into various, ever-changing levels of the higher to lower self and respond accordingly. The book goes into easy techniques we can learn, practice and apply in order to respond positively to our children. A very user-friendly, quick read that you'll want to refer back to time and again.

I teach Kindergarten and Preschool, and this year I have several children with behavior issues. I started reading Dr. Val Essen's book, and found it helpful from the first few pages. The principles make so much sense to me, and it is written clearly. I shared it with my director and staff right away.